


They Are Not Afraid

by ShowMeAHero



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Magic Revealed, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShowMeAHero/pseuds/ShowMeAHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur were not afraid of their destinies, and they found this to be a good thing. I'm sorry, I suck at summaries. Just a heads-up; not Merlin/Arthur romance, just exceptional bromance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Are Not Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be NaNoWriMo, but then I didn't feel that it could reach 50,000 words, so I started a whole new story with different everything, not even vaguely Merlin-related. That being said, don't mock my story if it seems less than perfectly edited. Also, it is yet to be finished. Don't hurt me.

 

Merlin was a warlock, a wizard, a magician; in the simplest terms, Merlin had magic. He had been born with his magic, and he was not afraid of it. He was afraid of what people would do if they found out, of course; he was afraid of how he would be treated if they found out, and how people might abuse him. But he was not afraid of his magic, and he found this to be a good thing.

* * *

Arthur Pendragon was a king, a knight, a royal; in the simplest terms, Arthur had royalty. He had been born with his title, and he was not afraid of it. He was afraid of what someone new would do if they found out, of course; he was afraid of how people would treat him if they found out, and how people might abuse him. But he was not afraid of his title, and he found this to be a good thing.

* * *

Merlin and Arthur were two sides of the same coin, coworkers, friends; in the simplest terms, Merlin and Arthur had friendship. They had been born with their destinies intertwined, and they were not afraid of it. They were afraid of what people might do to them if these people found out, of course; they were afraid of how people might treat them if they found out, and how people might abuse them. But they were not afraid of their destinies, and they found this to be a good thing.

* * *

"Gaius, time to wake up." Merlin shook his guardian's shoulder with one hand and covered a yawn with his other. "The sun's close to rising."

"I'm awake." Gaius told him, swatting his hand away. "Will you go get me some firewood? I'd like to brew some potions today."

"Alright." Merlin went to the coatrack and tugged his own jacket on, wrapping a neckerchief around his neck tightly to keep him warm. Even indoors, he could see his breath, and he knew it would be freezing outside today.

"Oh, and Merlin?" Gaius called, rising from his bed. Merlin turned back around, his hand on the door.

"Yes?" Merlin smiled at his mentor, in a particularly good mood. Gaius looked confused before remembering what he needed.

"I need some more Dropwort flowers. The stamen comes in handy when brewing potions, I'd like to have a stock." Gaius told him. Merlin thought for a moment before he frowned.

"Is that the flower that's as rare as a four-leaf clover?" Merlin asked, and Gaius nodded. Merlin sighed. "The one that grows right in the middle of boggy, marshy terrain. Right. I'll grab a bunch."

"Thank you, Merlin." Gaius said kindly as Merlin grinned at him and left into the chilly morning air.

* * *

"Merlin, why are you late?" Arthur asked as Merlin flew into his room. Merlin shut the door behind him and paused to catch his breath. "And filthy and shivering?"

"I had to get flowers for Gaius. They grow in the middle of boggy, marshy terrain. Right in the middle. I fell in the water and mud, and it's cold, and it kind of all froze there. I had to bring the flowers and firewood back to Gaius." Merlin explained in a rush. "It's freezing cold outside."

"Right. Well, if it's cold, start a fire. I'd like to keep it warm in here." Arthur instructed, waving his hand at Merlin dismissively as he finished dressing. "Then I'd like breakfast, thank you. You have some chores to do today."

Merlin bit back a sigh, and instead smiled at his king before turning to the fireplace. Arthur smiled slightly at his pleasant attitude and returned to dressing.

* * *

"Merlin, try just a  _little bit_  harder!" Arthur demanded loudly, beating on the bag Merlin was holding roughly. Merlin braced himself more firmly, trying to hold his position, but it was hard not to move. Arthur sighed heavily and paused in his beating.

"Merlin, I can't practice properly if you can't hold properly." he told Merlin with exasperation evident in his voice. Merlin stood up straighter.

"Sorry, Arthur. I'll just...try...harder." Merlin did not seem to know where he was going with that sentence, so it was with a confused - albeit eager - smile that he looked back up at Arthur.

"Alright, Merlin, ready?" Arthur asked, rubbing his knuckles to get ready. Merlin adjusted the bag.

"No, wait, hold on-" Merlin began, but Arthur had already pulled his fist back and let it snap forward, hitting Merlin square in the face. Merlin blinked a couple times before stumbling back a few steps and falling over backwards. Arthur looked around to make sure no one saw it before helping him back up and tilting Merlin's head back to stop the bleeding from his nose.

* * *

Merlin finally returned back to his home at the end of a long, exhausting day. Gaius looked up at him as he walked in, midway through putting a bowl onto a shelf.

"Your dinner is on the table, Merlin. I'm afraid it might be cold." Gaius told him apologetically. Merlin hung up his coat and went over to the table, finding his soup globby and cold. Merlin looked up at Gaius and smiled.

"It's fine, Gaius. I can heat it up, no problem." Merlin whispered some words to his bowl and smiled wider as it bubbled with warmth. Gaius laughed.

"Leave it to you, Merlin." he commented, putting away his dishes. "How was your day?"

Merlin thought for a moment. "Busy." he answered finally, taking a sip of his soup. He sighed at the warmth. "Glad to be back home. Get some sleep."

Gaius pat his apprentice on the shoulder as he passed. He looked down at Merlin as he did and frowned. "Do you have a black eye, Merlin?"

Merlin swallowed again and turned to face Gaius. "Two, actually. Arthur was practicing hand-to-hand combat today and accidentally punched me in the nose."

Gaius laughed. "Well, we know his combat is effective. Just let me know if you get a headache."

"You got it. Thanks, Gaius." Merlin said warmly as he finished his meal and got up to clean the dish.

"Sleep well tonight, Merlin." Gaius said as he went to prepare for bed.

"You too." Merlin grinned at him and disappeared into his bedroom.

* * *

Merlin heard his name being called from deep inside of him as he slept. His eyes shot open and he stared at the cold ceiling, hoping he would not hear it again so he could go back to sleep. He bit his lip.

_Merlin._

Merlin sighed and drew his blankets away from his body, sitting up in bed and putting his feet on the frigid floor.

_What do you need from me?_ Merlin thought back at the strange voice. A sob sounded from his mind, and he paid more attention.  _What's wrong?_

_They're going to kill me, Merlin, save me._  The voice sobbed again. Merlin stood up and hurriedly pulled his clothes onto himself, rushing out the doors and shutting them behind him without a thought of waking up Gaius in his rush. Luckily, Gaius remained asleep.

_Where do I go?_  Merlin thought as he rushed into the courtyard, and a golden path appeared in front of him, leading to the woods. Merlin, though a bit suspicious, heard the sobbing echo back through his mind. He raced down the path, his boots making dull thuds on the stone as he ran.

"Where are you?" Merlin called out loud as he ran deep into the woods, turning left and right as he searched for someone. He took a few more steps and lost sight of the castles of Camelot, and a laugh came from somewhere in the darkness. Merlin frowned and shivered, finally feeling the freezing cold.

"Who's there?" Merlin forced all the bravery he could muster into his voice. The laugh grew louder and more maniacal, filling the trees around him. He turned around.

"Merlin, you are always so eager to come to save anyone who calls for you." A sweet voice came from the darkness. Merlin was shot with the familiarity, and his heart suddenly redoubled it's efforts to beat out of his chest. His palms began to sweat as he turned towards the voice. "This will very well be your downfall."

"Morgana." Merlin breathed, his breath curling visibly from his mouth. Morgana stepped from the shadows of the trees, pulling a heavy woolen hood from around her head.

"Yes, Merlin." Morgana smiled at him; her face still retained the beauty he remembered, but she was genuinely hideous. Evil had twisted her in a way that reflected in her eyes and her smile, and Merlin had never seen someone so ugly. "Or, should I say, Emrys."

"I don't know who that is." Merlin said automatically; it came with years of lying, this instinctual habit to lie to defend himself. Morgana laughed again, and Merlin flinched at the grating sound.

"You don't have to lie to me, Emrys. I know all about your destiny." Morgana's mouth twisted up happily. Merlin looked away, turning around to scan for anyone approaching from behind.

"You won't find anyone." Morgana informed him, and Merlin turned back towards her. "I wouldn't try to attack you so obviously, Emrys. You may not seem like much, but you are powerful, aren't you?"

Merlin frowned; he did not like Morgana's voice, the way she was speaking as though he were a show horse, or a child. "I am powerful. Very, very powerful." Merlin told her, putting malice into his voice to try to scare her off. Morgana smiled at him.

"Of course you are, Emrys." Morgana waved her hand dismissively to change the subject. Merlin noticed how Arthur had done the same thing earlier that day.  _Or was it yesterday?_ "Anyways, as I was saying. I know about your destiny. That means I know how your destiny is intertwined with Arthur's, and how you must protect him. You are the reason he keeps surviving. Unfortunately, I'd like to get rid of Arthur, but I do not wish to kill him right now. This means I can't kill you yet."

Merlin could not help his sigh of relief at this words. Morgana's face twisted back into a smile. "That doesn't mean I can't take you, Merlin."

Merlin tensed at her words, suddenly alert, but it was too late; he heard a snap and the sound of something slender whistling through the air. He whipped around to attempt to stop the arrow, but it drove straight into his chest. He remembered crippling pain and Morgana's laugh before his legs buckled and everything went black.

* * *

"Merlin?" Gaius called, rapping on Merlin's door. The sun had risen at least ten minutes ago and Merlin still had not come out of his room. "Merlin, you have to wake up. Arthur will be angry if you're not there to bring him his breakfast."

Receiving no answer, Gaius pushed the door open to find Merlin's bed empty. His bedclothes were thrown aside carelessly, as though the owner had left in a rush. Gaius sighed.

The old man dressed and left to alert a knight or the king as to Merlin's absence. The first person he happened to run into, however, was the Lady Guinevere.

"Gwen, have you seen Merlin anywhere? He may have left earlier than usual, but he would usually rouse me before leaving." Gaius asked, and Gwen's eyebrows came together in worry.

"I hope he's not hurt somewhere." Gwen looked over her shoulder before turning back to Gaius. "Come on, let's go alert Arthur. Merlin will usually mention that he's leaving to someone. We can talk to Arthur, and then the knights, okay?"

Gaius nodded and allowed himself to be dragged by Gwen to the castle. Arthur met them on the front steps, his knights rushing down the steps around him. Arthur took one look at Gwen, and he took a deep, shuddering breath. Gaius froze in his steps, but Gwen kept walking until she was standing directly in front of Arthur.

"Arthur, what's happened?" Gwen asked worriedly, touching her hand to his cheek. He reached up and took hold of her hand, bringing it down to hold it between both of his.

"We've just received a message from Morgana." he told her softly, and Gaius took a step forward. Arthur looked up at him, speaking to him instead of forcing himself to look into Gwen's frightened, tear-filled eyes. "She has Merlin."

"No." Gwen whispered, stepping back from Arthur. Gaius blanched.

"No, no,  _no_ , she is going to  _kill him_ , Arthur!" Gwen screamed, stepping backwards down the stairs until she bumped into Gaius' front.

"We're going to retrieve him, Gwen, it's okay." Arthur stepped down to her and pulled her away from Gaius, holding her tightly against his chest. "It'll be okay."

* * *

When Merlin finally came to, all he could feel was pain. Something was dripping from his body; he could hear it falling from several different places onto a stone floor with echoing drips. He must be inside a large stone room, then.

He tried moving. He quickly realized he should not try that; his wrists and ankles were chained tightly to posts, and he was suspended somewhere above the ground. He tried taking a deep breath, but it caused pain to shoot through his torso, especially his chest. He forced his eyes open with great difficulty; his head was pounding and trying to force his eyes shut again, but he had to look at his surroundings.

He was right. He was in a huge, empty stone room. Nobody was in there besides him, nothing was in there besides him, his posts, and his chains. He took a deep breath around the pain.

"Hello?" he called, his voice breaking. His voice started coming in shallow, rasping breaths and the blood hit the ground faster.

"Crap, oh, crap." he hissed before whispering a spell he remembered to loosen chains. Instead of coming free, these chains tightened around his limbs, burning deeply into his skin. He let out a scream of agony, trying to pull at the chains again, only to have them tighten and burn hotter. He gave up quickly and hung there, his head lolling down, feeling the darkness creeping in from all sides. Suddenly, a hand slapped across his face, chasing the dark edges away from his vision. He blinked blearily.

"Stop the bleeding. I'm going to die." he murmured quietly. He did not know who was there, he did not even  _care_ , he just wanted to survive.

"Why should I save you?" Morgana asked, her voice relatively careless. Merlin blinked in her general direction until she came into a relatively clear view, though she was still a bit blurry and hazy.

"If I die, then I can't protect Arthur. If I can't protect Arthur, what's the point of me?" Merlin asked tiredly, his head falling back down. He did not really understand what he was saying; he was just talking. Morgana snorted.

"You're a warlock. A very powerful one, if I recall. There's a lot of point to you. But, if you wish for the bleeding to stop, I'll allow it." Morgana paused. Merlin could almost hear the smile. "But I can't promise there's not more to come."

Morgana raised her hand in front of her, in front of Merlin, and spoke a few words, sounding almost bored. When she finished, her eyes flashes golden and her hand fell. Merlin raised his head.

"Now you can heal yourself. To an extent." Morgana smiled at him. "The chains will burn hotter and tighten with every spell you make, except the ones I'm allowing, which are not many. Your magic will not work here unless I allow it." Morgana paused, as though waiting for Merlin to do something. "Well, stop your bleeding. I said I'd allow it."

Merlin whispered quietly, and the blood dripping to the floor slowed. He breathed a sigh of relief and whispered again, attempting to close his wounds. The chains gripped onto his skin tighter and burned; Merlin jerked and groaned.

"I also said I'd allow healing to an extent." Morgana touched her hand to Merlin's cheek, matching it to the bright red handprint she had left only minutes earlier. "Don't go anywhere, now, you. I promise I'll be back."

Morgana stepped away and smoke filled the room; Merlin shut his eyes against it, waiting for the smoke to clear. When he opened his eyes, Morgana was gone.

"I won't die here." Merlin said to himself, staring down at the ground. "I won't."

* * *

"You need to bring me with you, Arthur!" Gwen repeated for what Arthur was sure was the hundredth time.

"I'm already concerned about bringing Gaius along. I don't want to worry about you, too, Guinevere." Arthur said. "I think I'm being sensible. We need to leave as soon as we can, and I don't need to be worrying about you, too."

"I can help patch up knights if they get hurt. I can make the food. Please, Arthur, I can't stay here and be useless. I need to help save Merlin." Gwen looked up at Arthur pleadingly. "Please. He's Merlin."

"Just let her come, Arthur. She can help, and she has every right to come. She's one of Merlin's friends just like the rest of us." Gwaine commented as he passed, going to tie his bag to his horse. Arthur sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"But she's not a knight, she's not prepared for fighting!" Arthur replied. Gwen frowned.

"I can handle a knife or sword if I need to. I'm a blacksmith's daughter, I used to work with the weapons my father crafted." Gwen took Arthur's hand. "Please."

"We really need to get going, Arthur." Lancelot said from atop his horse. He looked anxious, and Arthur's heart jumped a bit as he remembered what they were going to do.

"You can come, Gwen. Let's go now." Arthur swallowed around the lump in his throat and went to climb onto his horse. Gwen flew to the stables to get herself a horse.

"We found a trail!" Elyan called as he and Percival rode into the courtyard. "We found footprints in the mud leading into the forest. The path looks long from there, but..."

"But it leads to Merlin." Percival finished. "We can follow it."

Gwen returned on her horse, and Arthur nodded to his knights. "We should go now."

As they rode off into the woods, Gaius aiding Gwen, Gwaine rode his horse alongside Arthur's. "We'll find him, you know. He'll be okay."

Arthur avoided looking at Gwaine as he shook his head. "Morgana has him. She will kill anyone to get what she wants. Merlin doesn't matter at all to her."

"I don't think Morgana will be very quick to ... dispose of Merlin." Lancelot said quietly, riding alongside the two men. Arthur kept his eyes focused straight ahead.

"Well, we have to act like we have no time so we will get there in time and save Merlin in time." Arthur said authoritively. "We will rescue him."

"I'm sure Merlin will be okay, Sire." Lancelot assured him in his soft voice. "I'm sure of it."

* * *

Merlin struggled to keep his eyes open, knowing that if he passed out he might stay that way. He tested the boundaries of his magic again, only to have his wrists and ankles burn again. The more he tried it, the further into his body it spread. It was up to his elbows and knees now; he was not afraid for it to keep going, but he knew he would stop when it started to reach his chest.

Merlin gave up testing the boundaries; he would try again soon, just to try and see if there were any spells that might work against it. He picked up planning his escape again.

Every half an hour or so - he was having trouble tracking the times in here, as there were no windows or doors that he could find - Morgana and a man would come in and do something different to him. The first time they could come, they had cut his forearm; the last time they had come, they whipped him three times. He was worried about how it would escalate, but he was not afraid, not as long as he could stop bleeding.

A burst of smoke interrupted Merlin's planning; Morgana and the man appeared again. The man was tall and bulky, never speaking, just standing there with his muscles bare and a weapon in his hand. Merlin avoided his eyes that never seemed to blink.

"What will it be now, Morgana?" Merlin asked, his voice dripping with obvious boredom. Morgana frowned at him.

"Am I boring you, Merlin? Do you wish for entertainment?" Morgana asked sarcastically, approaching his suspended body. Merlin looked up at her and spoke with an air of disinterest.

"I'm good. Just hanging around." Merlin smiled a twisted kind of smile at her, feeling a little bit mad. Here he was, at this woman's mercy, and he was antagonizing her with jokes.

Morgana paused for a moment before waving the man forward. "Let him down."

"Ma'am?" the man asked; this was the first time Merlin had heard him speak. He sounded simple, with his deep voice and odd tipping voice. Merlin looked up with as much confusion as the man seemed to have.

"You heard what I said. Let him down." Morgana snapped, stepping back and whispered words to the chains. The chains glowed in an eerie way before the man stepped forward and unhinged them. Merlin collapsed onto the ground, unable to stand up on his own. The man hauled him to his feet; Merlin clung to one of the poles to keep himself upright.

"Merlin, you are showing me how very much you are like me. I want-" Morgana began, and Merlin immediately interrupted her.

"I am  _nothing_  like you!" he hissed, and Morgana smiled.

"You are quite like me. So I'd like you to join me, Merlin. We can rule the five kingdoms together, Merlin. We can rule  _everything_  together." Morgana paused for a moment. "Emrys. Think about it."

Merlin was about to spit at her, words of how he will  _never_ join her, but he could see her momentary weakness, however shaky it was, and he had to take advantage of it. "I will think about it, Morgana."

Morgana smiled, and Merlin looked away; he could not bear to see the evil. "Thank you, Emrys." She turned to the man again. "Whip him eight times."

Merlin's head shot up. "But I thought-"

"I have to make sure you won't be leaving." Morgana spoke over her shoulder. "Eight times," she told the man again, "but you can leave him unchained. I want to see what he does."

Merlin allowed himself to collapse onto the floor again as the man approached him. He could feel his magic reaching out, but he reigned it in, biding his time.

_Soon._  He told himself quietly as Morgana waited in the corner, watching with bright eyes.  _Soon._

* * *

"We'd best make camp for the night, Sire." Elyan repeated for what he thought was the third time, with still a severe lack of response from Arthur.

"Arthur, please. If we're tired, we won't be able to do this efficiently." Gwen said softly; Arthur shook his head.

"If we stop, we won't make it in time, Guinevere." Arthur told her, frustrated. He was upset that the knights wanted to stop; if they stopped, how could they get to Merlin in time?

"We need to rest, Arthur. Please." Lancelot said forcefully. Arthur stopped and kicked his horse's sides to stop him.

"Okay. We'll make camp here. But we will be up at dawn, and we will leave as soon as we can." Arthur said, dismounting his horse and tugging his bag off. He tried not to think of who was missing, who should be there helping with his bag and following him around and setting up a fire, but it was no use. Gwen was crying somewhere nearby, but the men tried to pretend she was not; Gwen had already instructed them not to care if she was crying, because she knew she would be the whole time. Gaius patted her arm after telling her a few comforting words, but she continued to cry. Arthur found it hard to ignore and approached her.

"Guinevere." Arthur touched her on the arm; Gwen immediately turned and flung herself into Arthur's arms, sobbing onto his shoulder. Lancelot frowned and turned away, whacking Percival on the back in a friendly way to get his attention so they could get firewood. Percival recognized this as what it was on the surface, an attempt to leave Arthur and Gwen alone, but Gwaine recognized what Lancelot really wanted. What he really wanted was to not see this, to not see Gwen and Arthur together.

Elyan kissed his sister's temple before leaving with the other three knights. Gaius followed shortly after, trying not to get in the way. Gwaine patted Lancelot on the back as they went, leaving Gwen and Arthur alone together.

"Guinevere." Arthur repeated, rubbing her back in what he hoped was a comforting way. He was not as used to dealing with women as he could be, but he thought he was doing alright. "He's going to be fine, we're going to get to him."

"I know, I just...I just don't know." Gwen hiccupped, burying her face in Arthur's neck. Arthur hugged her tighter.

"Merlin can get out of anything. You know that." Arthur told her, kissing the top of her head. A rustling behind them caused Arthur to whip around, pushing Gwen behind him and drawing his sword. He sighed when Gwaine ran back over to them.

"You have to see this, Arthur." Gwaine said urgently. "Keep your sword out just in case."

"Stay behind me, Guinevere." Arthur instructed, holding his sword in front of him defensively. Gwen clung close to his back to protect herself.

Gwaine led Arthur and Gwen back to the place he and the other knights had found. Arthur's eyes widened when he took in the clearing. It looked like it had been regular forest not long ago, but now it appeared as though it had been blown apart. The trees were all charred and bent down to the ground; the grass was burnt and dead in a perfect circle. Arthur lowered his sword.

"What happened here?" he asked. Gwen stepped out around him and went to stand in the middle of the circle.

"It looks like a strange fire. Or if something...exploded. What could have happened?" Lancelot spoke mostly to himself as he walked around the outer rim of the circle.

"Could it have been magic?" Gwaine asked from somewhere amongst the black, flattened trees. Lancelot's head shot up. Gaius kept his cool, keeping his head down like he did not know anything.

"Magic." Lancelot whispered. He looked up at the other men.

"Look for anything that Merlin could've left behind!" Lancelot shouted, running into the woods and searching desperately. The knights, though confused, began searching. Arthur just looked around him at them, in an even greater state of confusion. Gaius poked through things, acting confused but scanning the area.

"Why? Why would Merlin leave something here?" Arthur asked, waiting for Lancelot to answer. Lancelot did not even look at him; he just kept searching.

"This is not the time or place, Arthur, just search." Lancelot told him cryptically; Arthur sighed, but began searching. He had nothing but trust for his knights. Gwen fell to her knees in the middle of the circle.

"Lancelot." Gwen whispered. Nobody heard her. "Lancelot!"

"What is it, Guinevere?" Arthur asked at the same time Lancelot ran to her and fell down beside her.

"What did you find, Gwen?" Lancelot asked softly. Gwen handed him a long piece of torn cloth. Lancelot stood, shaking the ashes off of it and holding it up.

"It looks like Merlin's jacket." Elyan commented, coming over and brushing more off. "Arthur, come see this."

"The back is covered in blood. There's a hole in it." Percival spoke up as he came over. He helped Gwen stand up, and passed her to Arthur as he came. Gwaine ran a hand through his hair and walked away, kicking at the ground with frustration. He threw his sword into the ground.

"He must've been bleeding from his back. Maybe he was shot with an arrow." Elyan said, taking the jacket. Gaius came over and took it from him, folding it over in his hands until it was in a neat square. He sighed.

"How can you all talk about this this way?" Gwen shrieked, stepping away from them all. "That's Merlin's blood!  _Merlin's blood!_  He could be  _dead!_ "

"Guinevere-" Arthur began, going to put his hand on her shoulder. She jerked away.

"Don't touch me, Arthur, you're just as bad. Gwaine's the only one who's even reacting to this." Gwen spat. Gwaine looked up at them.

"Don't go dragging me into this." he warned. He wiped his face off on the back of his hand, pushing frustrated tears away from his eyes.

"Gaius, you're not even speaking! You always say he's like your  _son_ , why aren't you saying anything?" Gwen shrieked, wrapping her arms around herself. Gaius looked up from the square of bloodied fabric in his hands.

"I can't let myself believe the worst has happened, Guinevere. I'm sure you understand." he said softly. Gwen sobbed once and stepped to him, wrapping her arms around him instead. Everyone went quiet; the air was tense around them.

"We need to search further. Now." Lancelot broke the silence and turned to leave, but Arthur grabbed his arm.

"Why did you believe Merlin would've left something here after I said it could be magic?" Arthur asked, trying to hold back the burning curiousity, frustration, and irrational anger bubbling under the surface. Lancelot hesitated.

"I was waiting for Merlin to tell you." Lancelot said, sounding like he was going to keep speaking, but he stopped. Arthur tightened his grip.

"Waiting for Merlin to tell me what?" Arthur demanded, but Gwaine chose that moment to speak.

"I think Lancelot's right, something involving Merlin must've happened here." Gwaine called from the trees. He was holding up a torn piece of a cloak that matched one he remembered from a long time ago. "And, by the looks of it, so was Morgana."

* * *

Merlin stretched out his magic as he would a limb, curled up on the cold stone floor. He had stripped off his shirt and used it to wipe the blood off his back. The enchanted cuffs had broken the spirit of his magic, and he was trying to let it rest, in a way, before he used it. Because of that, his wounds remained open and, if he was being honest, quite painful.

His magic was wounded in the first place, anyways; he remembered coming to at some point when he was being dragged through the woods. He remembered the searing pain in his chest from the arrow protruding from his torso.

He also remembered his magic exploding from his body, exploding so harshly that it was painful. He blinked after it had happened, seeing the effect the magic had had on his surroundings. Morgana and one of the three men who were dragging him through the woods were getting up. Morgana got snagged on a limb, tugging herself free with a rip. The man, faster to reach Merlin than Morgana was, grabbed his jacket. Merlin tugged himself free, the jacket tearing off of him, pulling on the arrow that had been left on his body.

Merlin shouted at him, magic erupting from him again. He tore the arrow out of his chest, gasping with the pain, and his magic immediately sealed the hole. He sighed and whipped around, letting magic fly out of his palms in angry bursts at anything he saw move.

Finally, someone hit him over the head. He tried to shoot magic at them before he collapsed, and the next thing he remembered, he had been in the chains. The hole in his chest still stung, but at least there was not the jagged hole he had left behind.

Merlin allowed his magic to fill him up before pushing it back down again. He wanted to see how much he had before he tried to blow up the castle. He was not stupid, he knew that Morgana probably had a plan; but Morgana was not stupid either, so she probably was keeping an eye on him, despite her wanting an answer from him.

He sighed, stretching out his body. His movements tugged at wounds, and he felt one of them reopen. He groaned and grabbed his shirt to dab uselessly at his back again.

"What are you waiting for, Emrys?" Morgana's voice echoed into the room. Merlin turned around, searching for her, but finding nothing. "Why don't you escape?"

Merlin chose not to answer. He continued to wipe away the blood, willing it to stop showing his weakness. Morgana chuckled from somewhere.

"Come on, dear. Haven't you decided yet?" Morgana prodded, and Merlin sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

"No, I haven't." Merlin told the high stone ceiling, shivering and watching his breath curl up in smoke towards the roof. "Give me time."

"You are in no place to ask things of me, Emrys. Give me an answer." Morgana's voice was more steely now, getting anxious to hear; Merlin could hardly believe that she had any doubt what his answer would be.

In place of speaking, Merlin wanted to try another approach at getting his answer across. He used the pole to his right to drag himself to his feet, gritting his teeth against the pain. He held his arms straight out at his sides and started hissing words. He threw his head back as the light and magic exploded from his palms; the castle came down in a wreck around him, and he was suddenly blinking in harsh light. Bright sunlight hit him, and he was not used to it;  _how long was I in there?_

Sunlight bounced off pure white snow, hitting his eyes with a physical stinging. He shivered again and looked around him.

"Kill him." Morgana's voice whispered from somewhere. Merlin spun around, searching for the voice, panicking. He forced his magic back to him and just started to run, as fast as he could, hoping he could just vanish off of the face of the earth.

_Or die._ Really, either seemed fine to him right now.

* * *

Arthur and his knights rode through the forest alone now. Arthur, despite the screaming match that came from Gwen and the heated argument with Gaius, had sent them back to Camelot. He was doing it for their physical safety as well as mental safety; Gwen was delicate, and Gaius was like Merlin's father. If they found ... well, if Merlin wasn't in the best condition, Arthur would prefer they didn't have to see it. Not yet.

Arthur had not missed the quiet conversation between Gaius and Lancelot before Gaius' departure, though; he was going to find out what was happening, and soon.

There was more and more snow appearing underfoot; the further north they went, the more snow appeared. Arthur was frustrated because of the disappearance of a good trail, but he just followed his instincts. He felt like something was calling to him, but not with a voice; it was more a spirit, a soul. He could  _feel_  the way he had to go.

Nobody had suggested to make camp since Gaius and Gwen had left. It was not so much that they were afraid of how Arthur would react; it was that they did not want to stop, not until they found Merlin. Arthur kept his eyes on the path ahead and tried not to think about what he might find.

His brain thought about it anyways.

How many times had he seen Merlin incapacitated?  _Too many_ , he knew, and they were usually his fault. He remembered when he truly believed his servant - friend - to be dead, so recently. When Merlin had sacrificed his own life to save Arthur's, believing that he would die, Arthur's spirit had died a little. It had not been recovered with the discovery that he was alive, even if only just; Arthur had a feeling it would never be recovered, that little bit of him.

"Arthur, ahead!" Gwaine pointed over the tops of the thinning trees where a puff of sparkling smoke mixed with dust was rising into the air.

"Ride that way!" Arthur yelled, and all the men kicked it into high gear, riding as fast as they could towards the cloud that was rising. They were going so fast they nearly missed the man stumbling through the forest; Elyan spotted him.

"Merlin! It's Merlin!" he shouted, turning his horse on the spot and racing over to the man. The others followed suit, throwing themselves off their horses. Gwaine reached Merlin first, and was the first to notice something wrong.

"She caught me." Merlin spoke softly, like he could not manage even a whisper. Arthur's eyes flew over his body; red was staining him and the snow, and the smell of copper filled his nose. "She did, she caught me. I tried to escape, I really did. She put...I can't..."

Lancelot stepped forward and put his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Merlin, can you hear me?"

Merlin nodded weakly and looked up into Lancelot's eyes; his own blue eyes were glassy and distant. Arthur stared at him, almost afraid that he wasn't really there.

"Merlin, what happened? Did Morgana catch you?" Lancelot asked loudly. Merlin nodded again.

"I escaped, but she...she got caught me." Merlin repeated, staring at Lancelot, seemingly trying to will him to understand the significance of what he was saying.

"Merlin, speak to Arthur, please." Lancelot gave Merlin a look that clearly  _meant_  something. "Tell him, now."

"Arthur." Merlin stumbled forward a step, and Arthur automatically caught him, holding him up. He put each of his hands on each of Merlin's shoulders, tilting his head down a bit to meet his eyes. "Arthur, I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to be mad."

"I promise, Merlin. Is Morgana nearby, did you give her information? I'd understand." Arthur shook Merlin a little bit; everyone seemed to take a small step forward protectively.

"No, Arthur." Merlin swallowed and seemed to gather himself a bit, despite his destroyed appearance. "Arthur, I have magic. I am the last Dragonlord, I am Emrys, I am Dragoon, I am everything that has saved you. Arthur, I'm a sorceror."

Arthur missed one beat before he nodded. "Merlin, you must be losing a lot of blood, let's just-"

"He is telling the truth, Sire." Lancelot said softly, keeping his eyes down and away from Arthur. "I've seen it."

"Do magic, Merlin." Elyan said softly. "Show us."

Merlin looked up, frightened. "Morgana won't let me, she has- she's going to kill me. She caught me."

"He's not lying, Sire." Percival told him, completely honest. "I can tell by his eyes."

Merlin turned his attention on Percival. "Thank you."

Percival simply nodded at the man. Arthur stared at Merlin like he was his greatest downfall and his most successful experiment.

"Merlin." Arthur was getting worried; Merlin's body was slouching down, like he could not hold himself up anymore.

Someone shrieked near them, words Arthur did not understand. A strike of lightning fell.

Arthur let go of Merlin and spun around, leaving Merlin to fall to the ground limply in the middle of the circle of knights. A billowing cloak presented itself, and it's wearer removed her hood.

"Morgana." Arthur withdrew Excalibur from her sheath, wielding it protectively. Morgana laughed.

"Arthur, you cannot kill me with that. Surely you know better." Morgana's eyes gleamed menacingly. "Surely you know your sister better than that, and surely you know of my magic."

Arthur's knees buckled a little, but he pressed on. Morgana tsked.

"Every step is another mark for poor Merlin." Morgana threatened. Arthur halted immediately and tried to figure the fastest way to her before she could hurt Merlin; he hesitated before running forward, the best idea he had. Also, possibly the worst, as Morgana began screaming spells faster than he could move. Merlin screamed behind him.

The noises all ceased at once as Arthur drew his sword across Morgana's neck; her head rolled away, and everything went painfully silent.

Arthur fell to his knees beside his sister's body.

"You were not my sister." he whispered to the snow and the skin. "You were an evil inhabiting her body. She was long gone."

"Sire, are you okay?" Elyan approached quietly, putting a hand on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur stood.

"I am okay." Arthur turned. "Is everyone else?"

"No." Elyan told him; the word seemed to pain him. Arthur's eyes ran over the men, all standing save for one.

"Merlin."

* * *

"Get him to the horses!" Arthur roared. "Now! We will make camp and we will save his life! I did not come this damn far to have him die now!"

Nobody moved, frozen by his loud voice suddenly breaking the silence. Nobody had ever even heard him that loud or that angry. Arthur began to visibly seethe.

"Move!" he commanded. Lancelot swiftly picked Merlin up off the ground, staining himself in blood. Arthur could not tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing that the blood was slowing. _Is he healing or running out of blood to bleed?_

"Every step you took, Sire, something hit Merlin." Gwaine told him, his voice rushed and tripping over itself; Gwaine looked like he was about to fall apart. "He just...jerked, I don't know. Like he was being hurt."

"Check his body. Fix any wounds you find and we'll go from there." Arthur instructed. He allowed Lancelot to carry Merlin to the horses, and Percival immediately started a fire.

"He's light, Sire. I don't know if he's been getting any food." Lancelot said in a hushed tone. Nobody seemed to want to raise their voice except for Arthur; Arthur felt he couldn't scream loud enough. He could feel himself breaking.

"I'll find food." Arthur left in a hurry, feeling the meltdown coming on. He knew himself, and he knew that if he let this out in one great big mental breakdown, he would be okay. He could talk about this in a month, a year, whenever Merlin could speak with him, and he would be completely fine until then.

Arthur roared at the sky and fell to his knees.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Twitter at [@nicoIodeon](https://twitter.com/nicoIodeon) or on Tumblr at [andillwriteyouatragedy](http://andillwriteyouatragedy.tumblr.com/).


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